Week by week has passed by, and somewhere in there I completed my full month post-op with the balloon stent. I realize that is a success in itself, but good riddance to that part! I had a lot of anticipation for that post op visit. I'm not really sure about what - I mean, I knew we wouldn't have answers at that point - but I was excited about it none the less. Probably because the balloon removal is another concrete marker that we are doing something in this journey. At least we're taking baby steps forward.
Some days the time is going by and it feels like I have no more news, no update, no progress, nothing. I'm usually more of an action person, so this whole patience thing is a tough one for me. I start to worry - what if nothing works? My leg cramps and I think do I have a clot? What if I can't take the hormones long term? Should we also still be looking into gestational carriers? Are we loosing time by trying all this on me? Most days the goings on of life are enough of a distraction, but then there are the days when it feels like we have so more to do and haven't made a dent at all! So the last appointment - having the balloon out, confirming there is still a cavity there and in some sparse areas some lining, moving on to the next set of hormones...at least it all gives me another new point to anticipate - not really a finish line, but another check off the list. Baby steps, right?
So the current baby step is more hormones. Then hopefully evidence that the cavity has stayed open. I'll need another couple of studies (1, 2) to look at that & potentially remove any scar tissue that might start to reform. Who knows how long I'll need the hormones since it is unknown how long it can take to get lining back where there currently is none.
The husband has always been the reasonable one - don't react until we know what to. Don't worry about what might be the case. Don't put the cart before the horse. Usually he's telling me all that in the context of my pre-emptive anxiety. I rationalize that I'm being realistic, planning for the worst & hoping for the best. What I have realized is that it takes a lot of energy doing it my way. So I remind myself again we are moving in baby steps, and for now those steps are forward. Even our doctor tells me to take it one event at a time. I ask for the grand plan, and he tells me every time that it depends on the outcome of the next step. One of these days I'll listen to both those men...