Week 7:
Today was the biggest day we've had in quite a while. Dropped Lydia off at school, headed over the doctor's office for our US...and first laid eyes on our little bean! I really trully did finally exhale completely - and cried tears of joy and hope and excitement. We heard the hearbeat, listened to it over and over. The visit probably could have been half the time it was, but we kept looking and listening. Heartbeat in the 130's; the miscarriage risk drops to less than 5% with a heartbeat over 100 at this point. All we needed to hear for now though was that heartbeat. And with the information from today, we are officially released from the "specialty" office to go see our "regular" OB.
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Week 8:
We recently met our new OB, and she is wonderful. In fact the entire office was wonderful. I was not looking forward to having to start over, re-explain and recount our story - but I didn't need to. It was obvious both the physician and her nursing staff were already familiar with our history, and had spoken with Drs. Pritts/Olive's office. They took time to go through everything about my history, our first pregnancy, the labor and delivery, the follow up, and the entire Asherman's story. We laid out some plans for monitoring, issues to address along the way, thoughts about delivery and went over every question/concern I could think of. I have every faith that we are in confident, capable and caring hands. And the fact that we got another peak at the bean was a bonus, still with a strong little heartbeat. So now we wait a little more - another appointment and screening tests and US in a month or so. It was interesting to learn some of the recommendations that have changed even since our last pregnangy - and how they apply to me even independent of Asherman's Syndrome. I am 35 for this pregnancy, so automatically labeled "higher risk", which frankly I expected - but my PCOS requires some extra/early screening for fun things like gestational diabetes too. Ah well, I will endure any number of tests and appointments and studies and the like. Afterall, someone once told us we wouldn't ever get pregnant again, so it all seems like speed bumps after the detour we took!
I do feel strongly still that the right physician with the right expertise/skill set has made all the difference for us, and it still frustrates me that my last "expert" tried to refer us across the state, then across the country for another opinion. Had I not done the research myself we would not have found Dr. Olive. So in a not too obnoxious way, I would like to update that previous provider on our progress. I'm thinking an appropriately worded letter will bring him up to speed - what I haven't decided yet is if I should mail it or wait until I'm big enought to waddle in there and drop it off myself. Suggestions?
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Sunday, January 20, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Early ups and Downs
Jan 2013 -
The week 7 US can't get here soon enough. Every day I'm equally ecstatic and anxious about what might happen next. I don't want to think past the next day, can't make plans or mark my calendar too far in advance - all for fear of those things being a reminder in the future if something goes wrong. It is the best news we could have asked for - yet I'm having some battling emotions. Partly I'm trying to protect myself from heartbreak - and to do that I can't plan ahead, I can't fully acknowledge this based on the lab work. The more I let my guard down the harder it would be to handle a miscarriage. I also know the fact that we even got pregnant should be good news in itself - it is a small step of success in the big picture. I know even without my history that early miscarriage is a reality up to 20% of the time. But this isn't about what I know, and is of little conselation in this moment. So I try to stay busy, and distracted mostly, until the US day comes.
Of course at the same time I'm taking care of myself as best I can, trying to relax, get some sleep, go for walks. Simply turning off the brain is a skill I've yet to master. And I realize how naive I was with our first pregnancy - in a good way I think. Going through this blog helps me put some things in perspective even if it isn't going anywhere quite yet. Sometimes I think I should just go back to posting as I write, as I feel. Afterall, we've already shared some strong thoughts and feelings about our course. Then again, I created this blog for myself in the first place, and for now I need to own this information fully. I need to be able to worry about my own thoughts/feelings/emotions on the subject, on the outcomes, without worrying about others. It is not a worry about being judged - more that seeing family/friends having concern, worry, sadness - makes it harder for me to focus on my own feelings/healing/strength. And that is (maybe selfish) approach I have to take right now. The risks are all still there - I read them over and over as I learned them. However I'm getting closer to being able to not dwell on them. We have an excellent doctor and team; he's referred us to an OB that does high risk as well and comes highly recommended. So if he trusts her then so do I - we would never have gotten here had I not trusted him in the first place!
With much anticipation, we now just await the US which somehow is finally around the corner. Wish us luck!
The week 7 US can't get here soon enough. Every day I'm equally ecstatic and anxious about what might happen next. I don't want to think past the next day, can't make plans or mark my calendar too far in advance - all for fear of those things being a reminder in the future if something goes wrong. It is the best news we could have asked for - yet I'm having some battling emotions. Partly I'm trying to protect myself from heartbreak - and to do that I can't plan ahead, I can't fully acknowledge this based on the lab work. The more I let my guard down the harder it would be to handle a miscarriage. I also know the fact that we even got pregnant should be good news in itself - it is a small step of success in the big picture. I know even without my history that early miscarriage is a reality up to 20% of the time. But this isn't about what I know, and is of little conselation in this moment. So I try to stay busy, and distracted mostly, until the US day comes.
Of course at the same time I'm taking care of myself as best I can, trying to relax, get some sleep, go for walks. Simply turning off the brain is a skill I've yet to master. And I realize how naive I was with our first pregnancy - in a good way I think. Going through this blog helps me put some things in perspective even if it isn't going anywhere quite yet. Sometimes I think I should just go back to posting as I write, as I feel. Afterall, we've already shared some strong thoughts and feelings about our course. Then again, I created this blog for myself in the first place, and for now I need to own this information fully. I need to be able to worry about my own thoughts/feelings/emotions on the subject, on the outcomes, without worrying about others. It is not a worry about being judged - more that seeing family/friends having concern, worry, sadness - makes it harder for me to focus on my own feelings/healing/strength. And that is (maybe selfish) approach I have to take right now. The risks are all still there - I read them over and over as I learned them. However I'm getting closer to being able to not dwell on them. We have an excellent doctor and team; he's referred us to an OB that does high risk as well and comes highly recommended. So if he trusts her then so do I - we would never have gotten here had I not trusted him in the first place!
With much anticipation, we now just await the US which somehow is finally around the corner. Wish us luck!