More Waiting - to week 12

It feels a little odd to be waiting this long between appointments.  And that "long" is only a month - but for the better part of the last year plus, my schedule has involved more frequent visits/phone calls/tests than even that.  So this last month between weeks 8 and now (12 +!) has seemed to go on forever.  We slowly let a handful more people in on our news.  The great delay in telling others has a multitude of reasons.  I'm paranoid at times still - and was afraid to say too much until after our appointment today.  Of course there are also the appropriate chains that news of this sort needs to go through - and hold ups on sharing in one place limits our ability to share with others.  Then there are friends/loved ones that have their own struggles - some with fertility, some with other matters - that make this an even more sensitive bit of information.  The last thing I want to do is have our joys cause anyone else heartbreak.  And I know it can happen - I know it isn't personal, I know it isn't intended - but I've seen both sides of it, and it is delicate.  Finally, as much as our Asherman's struggles are documented here, part of me has wanted to own this pregnancy as just ours for a while.  We felt the same on that with our first pregnancy - she was our secret for about this length of time as well. 

But today feels more like a sharing day.  We had our 12 week appointment along with a First Trimester Screen (I am of "advanced maternal age" afterall) - and all looked good again today.  A strong little heart beat, a wave from five little fingers, a beautiful tiny profile.  The placenta looks good so far - implanted in a different spot than last time (hopefully less likely to cause problems than if it was in a similar location) and no longer low.  It is a good day, so we are starting that cascade of information and letting it spread as it will!

Next we wait for the blood work from the screening tests today, and wait for the next appointment.  I can stop window shopping for maternity clothes, and start actually picking up a few more pieces (needed since I borrowed so much last time!).  We haven't really said too much to Lydia - I don't think she understands things yet other than mommy being tired all the time - although she still mentions the "baby sister and a fairy" request.  So maybe she's on to us more than we know; at least on occasion she'll say baby brother too, so hopefully she's not too picky!

A baby sister(?) and a Fairy

Thank you for the quiet understanding of those few with whom we've shared our fabulous news so far.  I've gotten over the not planning ahead, to the point that weeks are marked out on the calendar, some travel plans are being reconsidered, and I'm daydreaming about floating - big and swollen - in the lake for at least part of the summer.  Now I just get anxious as the next appointments come around the corner.  I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong, and most of the time I don't think there is, but this nagging little worrier in me craves the confirmation that things are fine with this bean so much more than I did with the peanut.  I miss the blissful ignorance of that pregnancy.  And I do realize my reference pool is completely skewed since all the women on the AS support page ended up there out of terrible circumstances - so really I need to pull back from that a little bit every so often. 

The fun and amazing and heart warming things I get to focus on now are plentiful.  I think often about the intuition of children - how instead of wishing for tacos on a star one night my niece wished for a baby for Lydia; how on the way to music class last week Lydia tells me she wants a baby sister and a fairy.  Hopefully she'll be okay with a baby brother if that is what's in store, especially since I can't do anything about the fairy.  But watching her play with her little friends makes me that much more excited to have a sibling on the way for her.  And she has all sorts of things to tell this little bean - stories about animals and snowmobiling and friends and great adventures.  Her enthusiasm for pretty much everything is endearing and inspiring.  Of course sometimes she is a stubborn, crazy little maniac - but she is two!